Well, it’s hard to know what to say. This week has been really hard. Probably harder mentally than physically. Only at Day Five, could I really talk and write about the experience.
I seem to be unusually sensitive to both chemo medications and anti-nausea medications (and there aren’t a lot of anti-nausea medications left to try). N.B this is not the situation for most people; I don’t want to scare you off chemo.
Chemo day was a trauma and it makes me teary thinking about it. Then, the thought of doing it again three more times feels overwhelming at this point (but there are 21 days between chemo cycles and this time really helps regrow the strength to walk back in to the hospital each time).
The drugs can cause depression but in a way, the diagnosis, two surgeries and now chemo have cumulatively just made me bone weary. It has been a hard year.
Up until Day 4, I had mild nausea and this has been managed with medication. Physically, I didn’t feel too bad at this point. My skin has been strange and congested and my hair/scalp a bit sore. I have had headaches and I am not sleeping that well. Yesterday, I had a tummy bug and headache for most the day.
Last time I did chemo, I found out that it is common for people re-question their decision to do chemo after the first one. It is an assault to every system and makes you feel crappy… but then it is helping to save your life. I have re-questioned whether I need to do chemo ‘again’ and re-decided that I probably do need to persevere and just do it. That process has also taken up a lot of mental energy.
One of the worst things about chemo is not knowing how you will feel tomorrow or next week. And that with each chemo, the side effects usually intensify. At the end of x months, you can feel worse not better.
Most days, I have gone for a walk on the beach which has been uplifting. Last night, a good friend gave me a pep talk and I have received some fantastic messages from friends and family. I know that I have heaps of support 🙂 but unfortunately, they can’t do chemo for me. In the end, chemo (depending on your drug regime) still can be very challenging.